Apparently when it rains, it pours in my life. I'm Mr.Right Now ... again. The post I'm applying for, the position I am filling right now but in a permanent basis just slipped under my feet. The person I'm replacing decided he wants his job back and it's applying for it. And he is my friend! He even wrote a letter recommending me for the job. WEIRD! So I'll be good enough until next Spring and then... the boot. I don't know what I'm going to do. Not to mention that the strain in the relationship will increase. Oh joy!
Isn't it funny? I guess I should brace myself for something really good. I imagine that my Karma should change and eventually I'll get to be Mr. Right (if not for someone then for some job!) for once and for all. But isn't it true also that if we didn't have these ups and downs then life wouldn't be life? I cannot say my life is dull. No siree. An ongoing soap opera. Daitime Emmys be damned.
Right now I'm kind of waddling through it all because my relationship is not going very well, my job has been threatened -and I don't know what I'll do after the Summer- and my dissertation is totally stagnant. Am I hitting some kind of specially low low? Or is it just one more occurrence that I find hard to digest for the stuff that is happening in my life right now? I have been known to be resilient. Haven't gotten to this point without having had to take some pretty hard blows, so what's new? It may be because there's so much at stake. I'm no Spring chicken, either. That may be something else I have to add to the mix.
Oh, and we went out to celebrate some of our friends' birthdays (three of them in the last days of November) and I even had fun. I managed to keep my composture and smile and have small talk with people. It is his birthday today and I wanted to make it go well. I guess I am not totally horrible after all. But it still felt like I was not me. Besides the fact that I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and everybody else in this posh wine-bar-restaurant in Fairlawn was kind of dressed up the whole thing felt kind of staged. You see, we were together with four other couples and two friends who are single. And there was some tension in two of the couples -or was it just me?- And two of those men kept looking at me funny. I don't know why. Whatever. But the food was yummy. And I got to talk to some friends who are genuinely nice and fun. I almost forgot all these other things that are going on. Pity that I also forgot the whole Monday night at the 'belt. We got home after eleven, and the furthest thing from my mind was to go to a club and dance away. That dinner was indeed delicious. And plenty. I was sleepy and couldn't even finish Brokeback Mountain, that I'm trying to finish before the movie comes out. Oh, well. There'll be more Mondays and I'll get to bump and grind with you some other time.
TTYS, Babyboy
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