Lost and Delirious Boy.

Actually, your thriatlon of thought is what keeps me coming back to read you. You're complex, you're contradictory and you're intersting. Why that obsession with dissapearing tomorrow and succumbing to oblivion? I have no idea where that comes from. You're not even twenty and you worry too much about time. Don't want to think whatever will become of you when you reach my age. As for that ambivalence about men and women, don't worry. Maybe you'll grow up to be the perfect bisexual: never sated, always looking. 

I don't think you are ready to say that you're swearing off men as partners and that women cannot reach you. You're too polymorphous perverse to give up on your quest for the perfect orgasm combining body and soul. Just wait a little. It'll come. Hopefully, you'll stop long enough in that crazy run of yours to feel it. Watching that movie with the group last night I couldn't but think about your comments on your liking TV too much. The life-changing event solved in half an hour. It's the same feeling I have when I read or hear you. That need to speed things up, of not having enough time to have time. It's the same feeling I had with this movie: it was almost like watching a version of what you think a life should be: vehement, accelerated, passionate and kaleidoscopic.

 But somehow suddenly I understood where you are coming from: post-adolescence. I keep forgetting you are so very young. Is it because I have lately only talked to your mind? The binary codes, the ones and zeros that allow us to communicate without the burden of the flesh do work better between us. It's emotion without the pain, sex without carnality. Perfect for you and me right now. You still look like a blur to me: moving, twirling, doing, babbling. Even when you're still I can feel your mind at work. This may sound geeky, but I guess I'm into your mind -remember that thing about the mind being the biggest organ we have?- more than into many other things that belong to you. 

Your mind is your biggest asset. But that is also your hindrance: your mind and your years do not match. Your experience does not allow you to comprehend and use what you see and feel. You're a man in a teen's body. All desire and fire dominated by an analytical and astute mind. But I guess it's part of growing up. I don't remember it quite like that, but we were different. Same voracious sensuality, I guess. But different states of mind. I was much more emotional, you're more cerebral. But you'll get there. Wherever there is. And I promise I won't delete myself from you if you keep commenting. It seems that after all, there are things we can give each other. Ironic, don't you think? Cheers, babyboy